SALLY’S RETURN the dirties pub in Ireland
Across the road from Cambridge Court there is pub called Sally’ Return. It is now 9:45 and the noise from this pub is drifting into my flat. Even with the door and window closed and my TV on I just cannot escape the THUMP THUMP THUMP from this low life hangout. Immediately behind the pub is a sheltered housing hostel for women and children. On quite literally hundreds of times I have had to leave my flat and walk the street at all hours of the night and early morning just to get away from this noise. The Gardai will do nothing. They tell me there is nothing they can do ……they don’t have the manpower etc etc. Of course if I were to put a bottle through the window of this pub that manpower problem would cease to exist in a flash. I have stated before in this blog that I have never been to bed before 3:00 am. No matter how ill I might feel , no matter how tired and unwell I might be I cannot rest.
The strain of all this , coupled with ill health and the bullying atmosphere in Cambridge Court itself will eventually kill me. That’s a simple statement of fact. The noise from this pub and my inability to deal with it much longer will most certainly kill me. It is a simple as that. This is not simply a matter of my opinion – its an objective statement of fact.
So what should I do ? Should I just continue as I am , getting sicker , older , less able to cope. Should I sit back and let my life drift away one miserable day after another until I run out of days ? I have no rights. There IS nothing I can do. So what am I to do…… I have considered killing these people. That may sound extreme but the situation is extreme. I have often thought of killing all of these people , putting them out of their misery. They are all thugs and bullies. They are exploiting to the full the fact that I am weak. They understand fully the misery they cause me and others and simply don’t give a proverbial damn. Right now as I write this the noise is going THUMP THUMP THUMP and literally 6 paces from the back of this pub is a hostel full of children…..and its been going on for years…..And they are not going to stop unless someone stops them and that’s just not going to happen. So killing them is the only way. If I had a gun I would not hesitate for a second. I would shoot the lot of them and shoot anyone , man woman or child who got in my way. But , (problems/problems) I don’t have a gun. And killing a large group of people is not easy…….But I think about it a lot …….The noise is getting louder and louder. The phone is just a few inches away but there is no point in calling the police. They are not there to protect me. As I have said over and over , the bullies are never the problems – its the people who protect the bullies that are the problem.
It really is getting louder and louder. I’ll have a cup of coffee now and then leave my flat and go sit in the Day Centre until THEY decide THEY want to got to bed. I don’t feel well …..and I’m getting old. I’m tired of this. This is not living. I have often though of suicide …. but if it comes to that I WILL take these low life with me. But like I say , killing a large group of people is not easy. Its not impossible. But its not easy either. But if I think of it all long enough (and it is impossible not to) then perhaps I will find a way.
I wrote all this last night and rereading it now it does sound quite extreme. Be that as it may , the fact is that it is also honest. Just now , as I write this , I’m listening to Messiaen on my record deck – “The Celestial Banquet”. I like Messiaen in spite of the fact that I have no interest in religion. I picked up a load of classical records in Oxfam and am going through them right now. There is an other-world quality to Messiaen’s music which appeals to me….but I like most 20th Century music. It helps to keep me sane. And we all need something to keep us sane , don’t we ! My mother used to say that there is always someone worse off , which is of course very true , but if I had my way there would be a lot more people a lot worse off …..and permanently so to.
Oh dear , oh dear oh dear……happiness is a warm gun . Indeed indeed…..and many a true word spoken in jest , etc etc etc. There’s always someone worse off and it will all work out in the end. Indeed it will. Failing that , perhaps the roof will fall in or the sky fall….or something – Something always happens. That’s one thing we can be sure of. And tomorrow is another day if , that is , we live to see it.